I don't understand.

I don't get it. I'm I really immature? Do I really lack discipline? Is it wrong to enjoy my high school life? Is it wrong to enjoy with my friends? *sigh*

I don't know if I should say sorry. I really think there's nothing wrong. Did I really change in a bad way? How? Am I really different from who I was before? Please. I need someone to tell me.

And I thought love wasn't like that. You said you'd love whoever I was. I never thought you had requirements for my personality. I don't get you. Why do we always fight over the same thing again and again and again? I don't know if I should let you go. I don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore. I feel that I gave up so much for you. I really do.

If it would only end up this way, why did you even tell me you love me in the first place? Why did you make me fall in love with you?! I should have been pretty normal right now. Maybe It would have been better for me to be trapped in to my little fantasy. Maybe I should have stayed in love with anime characters instead of choosing you.

But you know, I enjoy every single moment I spend with you. I love our laughter and your smile is always like sunshine. I love watching you in uniform and your sense of humor (though it might be blunt) always always makes my day a little bit brighter. You bring color to my dull world, Koitan. I love you soooooooooooo much. But I don't feel you anymore.

Why odn't you tell me what's wrong? You do trust me do you? Please talk...

HOLY COW. WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO COMPLICATED?!
..so much for my happy ending.

I FINALLY FOUND A NEW BAG I COULD WASTE MY MONEY ON 8D

OH MY GAWD I FOUND AN ORIGINAL VIVIENNE WESTWOOD BAG DOWNTOWN FOR ONLY 25% OF THE REAL PRICE OH MY GAWD OH MY GAWD I'M TOTALLY GETTING THAT BAG NO MATTER WHAT. I'M NOT GOING TO EAT FOR THREE WEEKS JUST TO GET MY HANDS ON THAT BAG. THAT BAG IS MINE!!!!!! >8D

price is JUST P750 OH MY GAWD

I maybe Hatsumomo, but you will never be Sayuri

I notice something odd with my house maid.

She copied my hairstyle.
She copied my hair color.
She copied my shampoo.
She buys high heels.
She copies my expressions.
...and now she has the same lotion as I do.

wtf. It's irritating you know. darn.

what?!

I like feminine looking guys, not feminine ACTING guys. For the love of cake, people. Leave me be! >__<>:(


Ah~ Miyavi~!


..and yes. He's male. Stupid people.

..just a little thought.

"Aasenso lamang ang Pilipinas kung mag tatrabaho ang mga Pilipino para sa bayan, at hindi lang para sa sarili."

-certain cell in my brain.

Special mention kay Sir Economics. Sorry tulog ko gina, haha. Four hours lang ytulog ko, eh. :D

Happy Day~

Yay! Today was the handing down of the positions of officers whatever of our CAT (Citizen Advancement Training)... I was happy for him, because he's the corps commander. Well, a girlfriend can't be proud enough, no? ;D

And, the issue is over. He told me a while ago that he didn't want to talk to me just because he wanted to make the first move. LOL. XD

And man my legs hurt! Standing there for more than an hour is really a pain in the hind. My back hurts, my legs hurt and my feet hurt. But man, did I enjoy it. It felt really nostalgic, since all this time, we were bashing CAT and our officers. But now it feels like we're going to miss it because that was the last time we formed. TwT

The fun part was, our commandant gave us snacks before we were dismissed, so we had sandwiches stuck to our mouths while forming. One of my classmates even put his sandwich in his pocket. rofl.

Anyway, I really owe a lot to my officers. I mean, they really do deserve the position they currently have, and I really do look up to them. Because they always arrive earlier before all off us do, stand longer than all of us do, get punished for our faults and well, they teach us even if they're so tired they wouldn't even want to blink. I don't know why I "rebelled", but maybe it was because I was so envious of them.

Yeah. I wanted to be one of them. I wish I could turn back time and join the officers. So I would be the one standing beside him, and not Ojo. hahaha. :)

>:(

It's really getting on my nerves. I hate this. I don't like it when people ignore me.
It's really really really frustrating.

Why can't he just tell me what's wrong?!

I had enough. All this time it's always been me who needs to understand. I always have to say sorry... I always have to make the first move. It's tiring, you know. Really.

I envy one of my friends for having such a wonderful boyfriend, who understands her and would always stays with her no matter what. I would love that kind of guy. A real guy who would always do everything for his girl. A guy who would always put so much effort for a girl that he loves.

I know I maybe asking too much from my boyfriend, but really.

All I need is a little bit of understanding.

I don't want to break up with him, because I love him. So much. But if he's forcing me to do what we both don't want to do, then... I don't know.

In a state of Shangfusion.

Shangfusion - shock, anger, and confusion.

Darn. Why can't things be the way I want them? Well, I guess that's the way things go. As always.
I mean, about this rambutan(this is the furry fruit I have been talking about) issue, I don't really understand why he should be so mad at me. I mean, I've given up almost everything for him, even to the extent that my brain tells me that I'm worshiping him. (You see, my brain is a different entity from myself, though I seldom listen to it.)

You see it all started when he said: "All you do is play games! you don't even study!"
NOT. Does he think I'm that lazy?! I do study. And even though it's not obvious, I actually get frustrated when I get low grades. And you know what the worst part is? He always scolds me but we're the same!! Doesn't he play video games when he gets home?! Sometimes he doesn't even know we have assignments!! GAAAAAAH.

So, continuing the story, we went to go and have lunch in the canteen. I never said I word because I was hurt with what he said. Remembering my math assignment, I went back to my classroom to get my book. Then, I went to the canteen and got myself a hotdog (them red sticks are bundles of joy >w<) whiloe doing my assignment. Before leaving, I called out to him to tell him that I was mad, but when I was pouring out all my anger and frustration... all he was doing was smiling. And that made me feel like I was being mocked. For the love of cake!!

So what I did... because of so much anger, I threw a rambutan (the furry fruit) at his head. It cracked open. And I ate it.

Of course, realizing that what I did was wrong, I went up to him to say sorry. And he said: "Palayo to ah!" ("Go away!") So I did. (but I was laughing) HAHAHAH.

And now, up to this day, he wont speak to me. I called him for more than thirty times already, no answer.

I really think It's immature.

WHY DID I EVEN WANT A BOYFRIEND IN THE FIRST PLACE?! D:<

The Irony of it All.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for more than a year or so, and these past few days, I have come up to a realization that... well, I don't need a guy. Yes of course I do love him, and well I could actually say that he's been the best thing that ever happened in my entire life. I dunno what's gotten into me that made me think like this, but well, that's that. And a while ago? We fought and I threw some kind of furry fruit at his head.

Another thing.
About video games, if you can actually call them that nowadays, I really wonder why I can memorize almost all the commands in Tekken and Final Fantasy when I can't even memorize a single term in Economics (and etc.)... IRONY. Maybe I was born a gamer, no? haha.

And. I suddenly realized how sad it is to loose a home. I really feel lucky to have a place I can call a home, while others even have to look for carton boxes lying on the streets and try to make themselves comfortable in the sidewalks.

Life is complicated. :(